Evil Death Nightmare pitch

The following pitch was written by a friend of mine, probably around 2019 or so, for the abandoned FPS game 'Evil Death Nightmare'. I thought it was too funny to go to waste so I'm posting it here for now.

evil death nightmare is an inescapable hellscape of nightmarish evil gameplay, mixed with harsh intollerable and unnavigable levels that'll make your head spin in a devilish and scary way.

weve hired some of the toughest, most pissed off game developers on this earthly plane. the entire development team is ex-special forces, each one dishonerably discharged. each member more psychotic than the last. the dev team has spent the last 8 years in solitude- slaving away on humanites magnum opus- a first person shooter.

hopped up on pain killers and energy drinks- the team has managed to put together something so dark and twisted. so psychotic and evil. so fucked up and demented- it'll make your parents wish they'd aborted you. but no. instead they're forced to live in a world in which their loser son spends all day playing video games in his room instead of going out to the nightclubs, learning how to dance, learning how to drink, learning how to have sex, learning sports, etc.. all of the sort of things a male in his 20's should be doing.

fortunately a higher purpose is calling. from developer Infinity Knives.. its EVIL DEATH NIGHTMARE. an inescapabale and hellish game thats evil, etc etc.. theres guns, theres gore, theres demons and theres babes.. what more could you want? well, perhaps i could interest you in an OFFICIALLY LICENSED SOUNDTRACK by metal group METALLICA??? including all the hits, and even a few original songs. that would be cool right? unfortunately thats not in the game